Managing Difficulties

Men dealing with the effects of childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault There is no prescribed way that people are affected by sexual abuse or sexual assault; everyone is different. However, we do know sexual violence can have profound effects on men’s lives. Below is a list of some common problematic responses which are associated with an experience of sexual…

The impacts of child sexual abuse can be complex and severe. While it is not always the case, it is common that a man who has experienced child sexual abuse will experience a range of negative effects many years after the abuse. However, in our experience with men who have been sexually abused in childhood, what we are working with is…

Sometimes people come to our website because they are looking for personal help. If someone asked you right now if you are having thoughts of suicide, what would your honest answer be? If your answer is ‘yes’, this is undoubtedly a very difficult time for you.  You don’t need to go through this alone.Help is available It is not uncommon…

Safety notice: If you have experienced any kind of trauma or sexual abuse flashbacks in the past, please take care while reading this page. Some examples may be triggering or confronting. Introduction Flashbacks can hit like lightning. Many men who have experienced sexual abuse are subjected to flashbacks. Flashbacks appear as memories or fragments of memories from recent or past events.…

It is not unusual for men to experience trouble sleeping and have nightmares following child sexual abuse or sexual assault. The trouble with nightmares is that they can not only be unsettling in and of themselves, but can bring back painful, upsetting memories associated with sexual abuse or sexual assault. Nightmares can occur days, weeks, months, or years after an…

Anger is a common and healthy emotion. There is nothing wrong with feeling angry. Anger can be evoked in a variety of situations, at home, at work, with friends or someone you’ve just met. The degree of anger can vary from a mild frustration to an absolute rage. Anger can be present for a fleeting moment or can bubble along…

Dealing with relationship challenges after a partner’s experience of sexual abuse At Tautoko Tāne we recognise that there is not a lot of information and support out there for partners of men who have experienced childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault, particularly in relation to the impact on couple relationships. Whilst relationships can be a place where difficulties with trust,…

Intimacy is a sense of closeness or togetherness shared with another person that can take some time and work to establish in a relationship. For men who have experienced child sexual abuse or sexual assault, like many men, becoming comfortable with intimacy can be a challenge. Below is some information about intimacy, details of some of the difficulties a man…

Gender – that is, identifying as a man, a woman, or non-binary – is a significant aspect of our personal identity. Gender plays a large part in how we live our lives and make sense of who we are. It also shapes both the experience of sexual abuse and how men respond. When we talk here about gender, we mean…

It is distressing to realise that someone close to you may be considering suicide. The below information will help you in helping someone with suicidal thoughts; to identify signs to look for, decide what to do and learn what help is available. Most people who consider suicide do get through the crisis. Family, friends and professionals can make a big difference in…

Under-reporting of child sexual abuse or sexual assault One of the difficulties in establishing a picture of the extent and circumstances of childhood sexual abuse and male sexual assault is under-reporting. Males are particularly reluctant to report childhood sexual abuse as both a child and adult. Evidence suggests that: Barriers to disclosure

Developing an erection or ejaculating during a sexually abusive experience can be one of the most confusing and distressing aspects of sexual abuse for men and boys. This page deals with the issue of male sexual assault and arousal. In it we will try to address some of the questions relating to physiological arousal and sexuality that men report struggling…