26 New Zealand male survivors share their personal stories of sexual abuse
In a new publication that records the last 10 years in the development of Tautoko Tāne Aotearoa, you will read the stories of 26 Tautoko Tāne staff and clients who have generously shared their survivor experiences to raise awareness of the impacts of sexual violence and to support the important work of the only national network in New Zealand that is dedicated to enabling the wellbeing of male survivors.
Sometimes people come to our website because they are looking for personal help.
If someone asked you right now if you are having thoughts of suicide, what would your honest answer be?
If your answer is ‘yes’, this is undoubtedly a very difficult time for you.
You don’t need to go through this alone. Help is available
It is not uncommon for men who have experienced child sexual abuse or sexual assault to have to deal with suicidal thoughts. An experience of child sexual abuse or sexual assault can have men feeling distressed and overwhelmed both at the time and at stressful times in the future. If suicidal thoughts are unchallenged, they can convince a man that because he is doing it tough now it will always be like this. If there is time to talk about suicidal thoughts, they can provide a clue to what a man holds dear, about certain connections he values and the dreams and aspirations he has for life. In order for such conversation to occur it is first important to make sure you are safe now.
Get Help
If you think you might harm yourself, call for help immediately
Reach out to someone you trust and ask for help. Tell them honestly how you feel, including your thoughts of suicide.
Go, or have someone take you to your local hospital emergency department.
It is important to understand suicidal thoughts
I felt like shit, like there was no way out. It wasn’t like my first thought but it was there in the background.”
Remember that thoughts about suicide are just that – thoughts. You don’t need to act on them. They won’t last for ever, and often they pass very quickly.
Many people who have had serious thoughts of suicide have said that they felt completely different only hours later. It is common to feel overwhelmed and distressed during difficult times or when it seems that things will never improve.
Things you can do to keep yourself safe
Seek help early. Talk to a family member or friend, see your local doctor, or ring a telephone counselling service.
Postpone any decision to end your life. Many people find that if they postpone big decisions for just 24 hours, things improve, they feel better able to cope and they find the support they need.
Talk to someone. Find someone you can trust to talk to: family, friends, a colleague, teacher, or minister. 24-hour telephone counselling lines allow you to talk anonymously to a trained counsellor any time of the day or night.
Avoid being alone (especially at night). Stay with a family member or friend or have someone stay with you until your thoughts of suicide decrease.
Develop a safety plan. Come up with a plan that you can put into action at any time, for example have a friend or family member agree that you will call them when you are feeling overwhelmed or upset.
Avoid drugs and alcohol when you are feeling down. Many drugs are depressants and can make you feel worse, they don’t help to solve problems and can make you do things you wouldn’t normally do.
Set yourself small goals to help you move forward and feel in control. Set goals even on an hour-by-hour or day-by-day basis – write them down and cross them off as you achieve them.
Write down your feelings. You might keep a journal, write poetry or simply jot down your feelings. This can help you to understand yourself better and help you to think about alternative solutions to problems.
Stay healthy. try to get enough exercise and eat well – Exercising can help you to feel better by releasing hormones (endorphins) into your brain. Eating well will help you to feel energetic and better able to manage difficult life events.
See your local doctor or a specialist to discuss support or treatment. Discuss your suicidal thoughts and feelings with your doctor, talk about ways to keep yourself safe, and make sure you receive the best treatment and care.
See a mental health professional. Psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors and other health professionals are trained to deal with issues relating to suicide, mental illness and well-being.
Thoughts of suicide occur to many people and for a range of reasons. The most important thing to remember is that help is available. Talking to someone is a good place to start, even though it may seem difficult. Tell someone today!
Resources
The New Zealand Mental Health Foundation provide a range of suicide prevention resources that you can access at the mentalhealth.org.nz website.
Find help in your local area
If you’re feeling suicidal, getting help early can help you cope with the situation and avoid things getting worse. After you get over a crisis, you need to do all you can to make sure it doesn’t happen again. There are a number of sources of support in your local area. If the first place or person you contact can’t help, or doesn’t meet your needs, try another.
Where to get help
Lifeline – HELP
Call 0800 LIFELINE (0800 543 354) or send a text to HELP (4357)
Thank you for your donation. Our survivor community appreciates your support.
The Inland Revenue Department has confirmed that Male Survivors Te Ta Tokerau has Donation Organisation Status and we welcome Donations to our Charitable Trust. Individuals making donations can claim Tax Credits for income tax purposes for cash donations of $5 or more, see Section LD 1 of the Income Tax Act 2007.
Tax Deductions
Please email us including your address to [email protected] for your receipt which you will need for tax purposes.
